So my plan to post regularly seems to have failed, so far. Oh well - all is not yet lost. Finding a routine is always a challenge for me, especially with university presenting weekly challenges to overcome. I still exist though, and so does this blog.
Monday, February 2, 2009
Monday, January 12, 2009
Outing… and a new Raven Lord.
Last weekend was an interesting time for me. After getting so overwhelmed on Thursday that I went to the campus peer-support drop in for two hours, Friday was an incredible relief. I only had one class, and then I was free to sleep/play WoW/not worry for a while.
Friday was also special for two other reasons, though. First, and obviously most importantly, I got my Raven Lord after what must have been at least a hundred attempts altogether (it dropped once before, but I was out-rolled after my offer of gold was turned down). For the last couple of weeks, I had been taking 20 minutes or so to solo Sethekk every day, which was a significant improvement over doing it in BC when I’d spend an hour there after finding a group. The second interesting thing on Friday was that I ‘came out’ to one of the people I’ve known for a while in WoW. I couldn’t really say why I did, and certainly he didn’t much care, but it’s worthy of note all the same.
Saturday followed the same theme, though I got into an excellent semi-PUG for Naxx10 which turned out to be my first single night clear of the place (despite having a hunter who could barely pull 1200dps). During that group, I outed myself two more times. I’d been nervous to speak on Ventrilo since I began transition, since my voice is still not quite phone ready (my opinion), so I imagine a couple of the people in the group were thinking I was a g.i.r.l. aka Guy In Real Life. I got up the courage to speak though, and of course, it wasn’t long before one of the guys I’ve been grouping with fairly often whispers me; “so does your husband play too?” I guess I was feeling open and courageous that night. Turns out by some strange serendipity his GF is in the process of becoming his BF, a fact about which he wasn’t too keen, but that’s understandable in a straight guy I guess, albeit a pity. Said BF quit WoW when he started transition though, so no opportunities for conversation there, assuming the person isn’t fictional.
The second outing on Saturday was just after the raid, when another player with whom I’ve played quite a bit commented over vent that he had to log off because his boyfriend was demanding his attention. Our off-tank made a comment about finding that weird. He didn’t say anything directly hurtful beyond that, but I did feel a need to offer a whispered commentary to my in game friend that included the word ‘trans’. That set off about 20 minutes of questions from both the in game friend and his BF, but they both insisted that they hadn’t guessed from my voice even if they could tell in retrospect. The boyfriend decided that meeting his first trans person must count as ‘10 real life achievement points’. Of course from my point of view, now that there's at least four people in WoW who know I'm trans, word is bound to get out eventually. About 2/3 of the people on my friends list know me as male, the other third knows me as female, and it will be interesting to see what happens when the groups run into each other.
Sunday I read my textbooks. There was also the first suite meeting for my residence, so I was able to out myself to my suitemates without having to do the awkward knocking on doors thing I did last semester. They hadn’t guessed either. There’s more yellow smileys on my calendar.
Friday was also special for two other reasons, though. First, and obviously most importantly, I got my Raven Lord after what must have been at least a hundred attempts altogether (it dropped once before, but I was out-rolled after my offer of gold was turned down). For the last couple of weeks, I had been taking 20 minutes or so to solo Sethekk every day, which was a significant improvement over doing it in BC when I’d spend an hour there after finding a group. The second interesting thing on Friday was that I ‘came out’ to one of the people I’ve known for a while in WoW. I couldn’t really say why I did, and certainly he didn’t much care, but it’s worthy of note all the same.
Saturday followed the same theme, though I got into an excellent semi-PUG for Naxx10 which turned out to be my first single night clear of the place (despite having a hunter who could barely pull 1200dps). During that group, I outed myself two more times. I’d been nervous to speak on Ventrilo since I began transition, since my voice is still not quite phone ready (my opinion), so I imagine a couple of the people in the group were thinking I was a g.i.r.l. aka Guy In Real Life. I got up the courage to speak though, and of course, it wasn’t long before one of the guys I’ve been grouping with fairly often whispers me; “so does your husband play too?” I guess I was feeling open and courageous that night. Turns out by some strange serendipity his GF is in the process of becoming his BF, a fact about which he wasn’t too keen, but that’s understandable in a straight guy I guess, albeit a pity. Said BF quit WoW when he started transition though, so no opportunities for conversation there, assuming the person isn’t fictional.
The second outing on Saturday was just after the raid, when another player with whom I’ve played quite a bit commented over vent that he had to log off because his boyfriend was demanding his attention. Our off-tank made a comment about finding that weird. He didn’t say anything directly hurtful beyond that, but I did feel a need to offer a whispered commentary to my in game friend that included the word ‘trans’. That set off about 20 minutes of questions from both the in game friend and his BF, but they both insisted that they hadn’t guessed from my voice even if they could tell in retrospect. The boyfriend decided that meeting his first trans person must count as ‘10 real life achievement points’. Of course from my point of view, now that there's at least four people in WoW who know I'm trans, word is bound to get out eventually. About 2/3 of the people on my friends list know me as male, the other third knows me as female, and it will be interesting to see what happens when the groups run into each other.
Sunday I read my textbooks. There was also the first suite meeting for my residence, so I was able to out myself to my suitemates without having to do the awkward knocking on doors thing I did last semester. They hadn’t guessed either. There’s more yellow smileys on my calendar.
Monday, January 5, 2009
Negativity
Today was my first day of classes for the winter semester, and I spent a lot of the day waiting in line-ups.
My CSD (Centre for Students with Disabilities - like depression) adviser told me last semester that I would be much better off taking just three classes this time around, since four had been too many for me then, but I’m still enrolled in four for the moment. I was hoping that one of today’s classes would stand out to me as the one to drop, but after the first classes I really want to take both. Unfortunately, I know she is right.
I know she’s right because I’ve been spending much too much of my already hormonally-depleted energy reserves on negative thinking. The littlest things have made me miserable today, like seeing the horrible white lines on my boots where they got wet, or watching some of the girls in the athletics centre who are so much more attractive than I am. I suppose I’ll always be able to find a person who’s better at something than me. Must break negative thought patterns!
In addition to being the first day of classes and an otherwise generally miserable day, today was also my 21st birthday. Other than a phone call and a few happy birthdays over Facebook, though, it was pretty low-key. Mom bought me makeup, but she gave it to me a week ago because I’d wanted to spend time with her in the store learning how to use it. There’s something positive: it always makes me feel wonderful how accepting she is of me. Everyone should have a Mom like mine.
I put a smiley on my calendar anyway, though, because the lady in the athletics centre who registered me for my dance class thought her computer was messing up when she loaded up my file and it said 'male'.
My CSD (Centre for Students with Disabilities - like depression) adviser told me last semester that I would be much better off taking just three classes this time around, since four had been too many for me then, but I’m still enrolled in four for the moment. I was hoping that one of today’s classes would stand out to me as the one to drop, but after the first classes I really want to take both. Unfortunately, I know she is right.
I know she’s right because I’ve been spending much too much of my already hormonally-depleted energy reserves on negative thinking. The littlest things have made me miserable today, like seeing the horrible white lines on my boots where they got wet, or watching some of the girls in the athletics centre who are so much more attractive than I am. I suppose I’ll always be able to find a person who’s better at something than me. Must break negative thought patterns!
In addition to being the first day of classes and an otherwise generally miserable day, today was also my 21st birthday. Other than a phone call and a few happy birthdays over Facebook, though, it was pretty low-key. Mom bought me makeup, but she gave it to me a week ago because I’d wanted to spend time with her in the store learning how to use it. There’s something positive: it always makes me feel wonderful how accepting she is of me. Everyone should have a Mom like mine.
I put a smiley on my calendar anyway, though, because the lady in the athletics centre who registered me for my dance class thought her computer was messing up when she loaded up my file and it said 'male'.
Sunday, January 4, 2009
Moving into Residence
Yesterday was a busy day. My residence reopened for the winter semester, so the day was dedicated to moving in. I had been given a room transfer over the break, so Mom wanted to get started early moving stuff out of my old room. Apparently, that sentiment was not reflected by very many other people, and I’ve still only met one of my new suitemates.
Also, most of the rest of the campus is still shut down for the break, so when my IP phone started shutting off whenever I plugged my computer’s Ethernet cable in, I had no-where to turn for help. I eventually managed to get my computer connected by some combination of A) removing my network bridge and B) plugging my computer in while the phone was still receiving its IP. Somehow, I don’t think tech support is in my future.
My new room is wonderful, and even though it’s a bit further of a walk from my classes, I won’t ever have to contend with the elevators on a Monday morning again :P I’ve been promised fewer random fire alarms as well, which will do wonders for my sleep schedule.
The only point of worry for me is disclosing my trans status to my new suitemates. Ideally they wouldn’t need to know, but I know I don’t pass all of the time, and I’ve also been pretty open about it in other circles around campus, so I want to be sure they find out when I’m in control of the situation. Even though my last set of suitemates expressed a general lack of interest in the subject, I’m still of the opinion that I’d rather there be no surprises.
Also, most of the rest of the campus is still shut down for the break, so when my IP phone started shutting off whenever I plugged my computer’s Ethernet cable in, I had no-where to turn for help. I eventually managed to get my computer connected by some combination of A) removing my network bridge and B) plugging my computer in while the phone was still receiving its IP. Somehow, I don’t think tech support is in my future.
My new room is wonderful, and even though it’s a bit further of a walk from my classes, I won’t ever have to contend with the elevators on a Monday morning again :P I’ve been promised fewer random fire alarms as well, which will do wonders for my sleep schedule.
The only point of worry for me is disclosing my trans status to my new suitemates. Ideally they wouldn’t need to know, but I know I don’t pass all of the time, and I’ve also been pretty open about it in other circles around campus, so I want to be sure they find out when I’m in control of the situation. Even though my last set of suitemates expressed a general lack of interest in the subject, I’m still of the opinion that I’d rather there be no surprises.
Thursday, January 1, 2009
Beginnings
Happy new year!
This is the beginning of what I intend to be a long-term project. More than just a project, though, I hope that somewhere in my ramblings my blog can touch someone’s life in a positive way.
My name is Kiera Bacon. There’s a J. in the middle, but I’m not quite sure what it represents yet. I have a diploma in Game Art and Design, but I’m currently attending classes at the University of Guelph with no major. I like to write, to play piano, to play computer games such as World of Warcraft, to read fantasy novels, to learn about anything, or to think about anything. I’m sure there are other things I could list, but I’ll get to that later. I’m a 20 year old woman with… Lets back up…
I’m a 7 month old woman, who lived 20 years of her life trying to be something else. There are many things about my life that I regret, and taking 20 years to get up the courage to transition from male to female is top of the list. I knew when I began transition that everything I had thought I knew about myself would be questioned, and I am still just getting to know this new person I am becoming, while celebrating the pure joy that is trying to be who I was meant to be. I’m also struggling day to day with exhaustion, confusion, pain, and depression.
So here I am. I’m looking to make a new beginning and to share my experiences as a young-adult Canadian transsexual nerd/woman who’s still trying to untangle her life and figure out where to go next. Any comments are appreciated, now and always.
This is the beginning of what I intend to be a long-term project. More than just a project, though, I hope that somewhere in my ramblings my blog can touch someone’s life in a positive way.
My name is Kiera Bacon. There’s a J. in the middle, but I’m not quite sure what it represents yet. I have a diploma in Game Art and Design, but I’m currently attending classes at the University of Guelph with no major. I like to write, to play piano, to play computer games such as World of Warcraft, to read fantasy novels, to learn about anything, or to think about anything. I’m sure there are other things I could list, but I’ll get to that later. I’m a 20 year old woman with… Lets back up…
I’m a 7 month old woman, who lived 20 years of her life trying to be something else. There are many things about my life that I regret, and taking 20 years to get up the courage to transition from male to female is top of the list. I knew when I began transition that everything I had thought I knew about myself would be questioned, and I am still just getting to know this new person I am becoming, while celebrating the pure joy that is trying to be who I was meant to be. I’m also struggling day to day with exhaustion, confusion, pain, and depression.
So here I am. I’m looking to make a new beginning and to share my experiences as a young-adult Canadian transsexual nerd/woman who’s still trying to untangle her life and figure out where to go next. Any comments are appreciated, now and always.
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